It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
