96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
