Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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