Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm bleeding and have questions
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
