Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
