Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
