What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
