nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
