like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
