you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
