like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
