So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
