let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize