Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
