It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
