that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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