That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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