do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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