i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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