Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
