literally had 100 drinks last night.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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