is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
