Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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