no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he shaved USA in his pubs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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