She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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