for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
