Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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