my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
