Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found the puke drawer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
