K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
