I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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