he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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