I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
