3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
