For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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