There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
