there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
