I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
