wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
