I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
is it fun? or sober?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
