Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
