1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize