Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize