someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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