I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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