One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
