sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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