barbara walters just said penis...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
