In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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