Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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