Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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