I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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