everyone is single if you try hard enough
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize