Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
