I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
