It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
