thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
last night I used snow as a chaser
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
