Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We have started to decorate penises.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
