woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
