imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
