Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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