I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
