Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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