Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
