You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
