i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
