peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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