if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
