Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
