I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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